31 Days of Halloween – Tony-Paul de Vissage
Meet Vlad Chemare, a blast from the past who isn’t to be
denied. He’s up-to-date, traveling by jet, and seeking revenge against the
master who buried him alive for daring to lead a revolt back in the 15th
century. Armed with a Chase Sapphire and a Kevlar
vest, Vlad’s out for blood—specifically Baslo Rigla’s—and he isn’t about to let
his feelings for mortal Meredith Swanson stand in his way. After all, a woman’s just a woman, but
revenge is a dish best served cold, and six hundred years makes for some pretty
chilly morsels.
TPV (short, blond, plump, and very intense): Bon
Jour, readers, fellow writers, and paranormal romance lovers
everywhere. When I volunteered for this
gig, I thought it’d be different to have my character speak for himself. (He looks at the man sitting next to him) Now, I’m beginning to wonder if that was a
mistake, because Vlad’s more than a little outspoken.
Jour, readers, fellow writers, and paranormal romance lovers
everywhere. When I volunteered for this
gig, I thought it’d be different to have my character speak for himself. (He looks at the man sitting next to him) Now, I’m beginning to wonder if that was a
mistake, because Vlad’s more than a little outspoken.
VC (tall, dark, incredibly handsome and knows it): Not wanting to correct my creator, but,
you’ve mistaken. I’m not outspoken, I’m
just…direct.
you’ve mistaken. I’m not outspoken, I’m
just…direct.
TPV: We won’t argue. It’s a matter of symantics.
VC (Shrugs and snorts): You’re the wordmeister…Master.
TPV (changes subject): Thank you for being on
time, Vlad. I was afraid, with Daylight Savings Time and all, you might
be late.
time, Vlad. I was afraid, with Daylight Savings Time and all, you might
be late.
VC: Never happen.
I’ve got a Kilburg Geochron World Clock. It tells me not only the time,
but when the sun rises and sets, the weather, and when the tides rise and fall.
I’ve got a Kilburg Geochron World Clock. It tells me not only the time,
but when the sun rises and sets, the weather, and when the tides rise and fall.
TPV: I’m
impressed, especially about that sunrise, sunset business.
impressed, especially about that sunrise, sunset business.
VC: Can’t be
too careful in the vampire business, you know.
Otherwise, I might be caught outside at the wrong time and make an ash
of myself. You should get one. They only cost $5000.
too careful in the vampire business, you know.
Otherwise, I might be caught outside at the wrong time and make an ash
of myself. You should get one. They only cost $5000.
TPV (dryly):
Right. I’ll put that on my to-buy
list.
Right. I’ll put that on my to-buy
list.
VC (sneers slightly): As if.
I know what you make in royalties, TP.
You don’t live in a garret in a fourth-floor cold-water walkup just for
the atmosphere. Starving writer? Well, you could stand to lose a few
pounds. (leans over and pokes a forefinger into TP’s plump little belly) Someone your height shouldn’t get too
pudgy. Let me make you a gift of
one. After all, can’t have my favorite
author being late to all those many book-signings and readings you may someday go
to.
I know what you make in royalties, TP.
You don’t live in a garret in a fourth-floor cold-water walkup just for
the atmosphere. Starving writer? Well, you could stand to lose a few
pounds. (leans over and pokes a forefinger into TP’s plump little belly) Someone your height shouldn’t get too
pudgy. Let me make you a gift of
one. After all, can’t have my favorite
author being late to all those many book-signings and readings you may someday go
to.
TPV (scowling, his normally pale cheeks turning
a bright pink): That’s pretty cold,
Vlad.
a bright pink): That’s pretty cold,
Vlad.
VC: Not
really. I’m usually about 69.2, even in
August.
really. I’m usually about 69.2, even in
August.
TPV: No, I
meant… (gets distracted by that statement) Really, your normal temperature is 69.2? That’s how cold you are?
meant… (gets distracted by that statement) Really, your normal temperature is 69.2? That’s how cold you are?
VC: That’s
how warm I am. Why do you think I
never shake hands? (holds up his right hand and wiggles his fingers) One touch of these babies will give you the
shivers. (he laughs) Ask Meredith!
how warm I am. Why do you think I
never shake hands? (holds up his right hand and wiggles his fingers) One touch of these babies will give you the
shivers. (he laughs) Ask Meredith!
TPV. I don’t
think so…moving along… Tell me, Vlad, what’s with this feud you have with Baslo
Rigla?
think so…moving along… Tell me, Vlad, what’s with this feud you have with Baslo
Rigla?
VC: I
wouldn’t call it a feud exactly. He’s a
domineering, bloodthirsty tyrant who’s outlived his stay, and I’m going to
bring him down and establish a more kindly, world-friendly regime.
wouldn’t call it a feud exactly. He’s a
domineering, bloodthirsty tyrant who’s outlived his stay, and I’m going to
bring him down and establish a more kindly, world-friendly regime.
TPV: I see.
VC: Do you? I don’t think so. Let me explain…
TPVB: Please
do. I think you attempted to revolt
against Rigla once before, didn’t you?
do. I think you attempted to revolt
against Rigla once before, didn’t you?
VC: That’s
right, back in 1422…
right, back in 1422…
TPV: And
failed miserably.
failed miserably.
VC (defensively): It wouldn’t have happened
if I’d been a little older—vampire-wise.
As it was, I had the desire but not the experience. Yes, I failed miserably, and was buried alive
for my so-called sin, and it took me 600 years to overcome the trauma. Talk about a psychological wreck! Let’s not.
if I’d been a little older—vampire-wise.
As it was, I had the desire but not the experience. Yes, I failed miserably, and was buried alive
for my so-called sin, and it took me 600 years to overcome the trauma. Talk about a psychological wreck! Let’s not.
TPV: So you came
to America with revenge on your mind…
to America with revenge on your mind…
VC: And
blood in my eye. Isn’t that a quaint but descriptive American phrase? Love it!
Yes, I’m going to set things right.
With the help of my faithful thrall Marius…if I can keep him out
of the nightclubs long enough.
blood in my eye. Isn’t that a quaint but descriptive American phrase? Love it!
Yes, I’m going to set things right.
With the help of my faithful thrall Marius…if I can keep him out
of the nightclubs long enough.
TPV: So who
else do you have to help you?
else do you have to help you?
VC: Let’s
see. I’ve a couple of very Southern
gentlemen, Sebastian and Trevor…one fought in that little rebellion you
Americans had back in 1776, and the other…I think he was a soldier in that
other revolt, the…uh…Civil War. Tell me,
when was a war ever civil? Then, there’s
Dusty, a werewolf, but remarkably friendly.
Kind of like an overgrown Yorkie.
He’s the head of my K-9 Corps, and there’s Stacy, nice guy for a
human. He’s Sebastian’s great-great-great-great-grandson,
by the way, makes armor for those Renaissance Faire-Creative Anachronism
things. You know, where modern men dress
up as knights and pretend to bash each other with swords and call it fun? (smirks)
Believe me, if they had done it for real, it wouldn’t be so funny. Well, Stacy is making Kevlar vests for all of
us, as well as swords. I also have about
fifty nosferatu recruits.
see. I’ve a couple of very Southern
gentlemen, Sebastian and Trevor…one fought in that little rebellion you
Americans had back in 1776, and the other…I think he was a soldier in that
other revolt, the…uh…Civil War. Tell me,
when was a war ever civil? Then, there’s
Dusty, a werewolf, but remarkably friendly.
Kind of like an overgrown Yorkie.
He’s the head of my K-9 Corps, and there’s Stacy, nice guy for a
human. He’s Sebastian’s great-great-great-great-grandson,
by the way, makes armor for those Renaissance Faire-Creative Anachronism
things. You know, where modern men dress
up as knights and pretend to bash each other with swords and call it fun? (smirks)
Believe me, if they had done it for real, it wouldn’t be so funny. Well, Stacy is making Kevlar vests for all of
us, as well as swords. I also have about
fifty nosferatu recruits.
TPV (impressed): Sounds as if you’ve got it pretty well
planned out this time around.
planned out this time around.
VC (confidently): I’m not worried about Rigla at all. But if you want to know the truth, what I’m
really concerned about is Meredith.
really concerned about is Meredith.
TPV: That’s
Meredith Swanson, twin sister of your former lover vampire Valerie Swanson?
Meredith Swanson, twin sister of your former lover vampire Valerie Swanson?
VC (irritated): You make it sound as if there could be more
than one Meredith Swanson, who has an Undead Twin, floating around.
than one Meredith Swanson, who has an Undead Twin, floating around.
TPV: So
what’s the problem with Mere?
what’s the problem with Mere?
VC:
Plenty. She wants to settle down
and raise little Vlads, and, well…as you know…
Plenty. She wants to settle down
and raise little Vlads, and, well…as you know…
(stops and looks down as if in embarrassment)
TPV: Go no
further, I think we’re all aware of the little…uh…problem vampires have in the
reproductive department.
further, I think we’re all aware of the little…uh…problem vampires have in the
reproductive department.
VC: Glad you
made that little distinction and didn’t bring my virility into question.
made that little distinction and didn’t bring my virility into question.
TPV:
Wouldn’t think of doing that. So
what are you going to do?
Wouldn’t think of doing that. So
what are you going to do?
VC (shrugs as if it should be obvious): Only thing I can, TP. Make sure Meredith has a baby.
TPV: Do I
dare ask how you plan on doing that?
dare ask how you plan on doing that?
VC: You may
ask but you won’t necessarily get an answer, not from me, anyway. I’ve got it all figured out, but that can
wait until I’ve given Rigla his just desserts, and I don’t mean chocolate éclairs!
ask but you won’t necessarily get an answer, not from me, anyway. I’ve got it all figured out, but that can
wait until I’ve given Rigla his just desserts, and I don’t mean chocolate éclairs!
TPV: I’m
sure you don’t. So where are you going
when you leave here?
sure you don’t. So where are you going
when you leave here?
VC: Heading
to Tybee Beach where my men and I are meeting to make our battle plans. Also, Stacy is bringing our vests so we can
try them on and make sure they don’t block our wings. I hope there aren’t any late surfers tonight. It might be a little embarrassing if someone
spots us flying around out there.
to Tybee Beach where my men and I are meeting to make our battle plans. Also, Stacy is bringing our vests so we can
try them on and make sure they don’t block our wings. I hope there aren’t any late surfers tonight. It might be a little embarrassing if someone
spots us flying around out there.
A voice suddenly speaks up:
“It is now eight o’clock pm. Sunset was at six-oh-two pm. Sunrise will be at six-seventeen pm. High tide will be at eleven-twenty pm.”
“It is now eight o’clock pm. Sunset was at six-oh-two pm. Sunrise will be at six-seventeen pm. High tide will be at eleven-twenty pm.”
VC: Thank you. (he
holds up his left wrist) My watch.
It’s also a…
holds up his left wrist) My watch.
It’s also a…
TPV: Don’t tell me, it’s a Geochron wrist watch.
VX: How’d you guess? Anyway, must fly…literally…the guys are
waiting… Nice to see everyone. (directs his next sentence to the audience)
And if you really want to find out about Meredith and me and baby makes
three…or what happens in the Fangfight at Rigla’s Corral…buy The
Last Vampire Standing—that’s going to be me, by the way—and find out.
waiting… Nice to see everyone. (directs his next sentence to the audience)
And if you really want to find out about Meredith and me and baby makes
three…or what happens in the Fangfight at Rigla’s Corral…buy The
Last Vampire Standing—that’s going to be me, by the way—and find out.
(Exits, Stage Left.)
TPV: Well, there you have it, folks, straight from
the vampire’s mouth. The
Last Vampire Standing will be available from Class Act Books on October
15. www.classactbooks.com
the vampire’s mouth. The
Last Vampire Standing will be available from Class Act Books on October
15. www.classactbooks.com
